Blog · faith · Inspiration · love · relationships

What is Love?

“Love”…It’s what every little girl dreams of. It’s a fairy tale wedding with Prince Charming and Happily ever after. You probably met by bumping into  each other on a rainy day and it was love at first sight. You have a cute house, a warm fireplace and walks in the park. This is really where we all start to laugh out loud!

61Amy

I am possibly the worst person to give any thoughts to this subject, because I have failed miserably at relationships. Not one, but two failed marriages. It’s not that I didn’t value marriage, but looking back I can see that I did not give my whole heart. I didn’t open my soul to them; bearing my inner most self. I now realize that I simply could not (but that’s a different story). But fortunately, I have eventually learned what love is and what it is not. I learned this when I made decisions that went against my faith and realized that my awesome God did not throw me away, but loved me in spite of my choices. I learned this when my child made decisions that broke my heart into a million pieces, but my love for him not only stayed steady, but increased as I watched him hurt. And I learned this through my sweet precious husband as he has stood by my side (strong and steady) through hell and “almost” back. When I watched him sacrifice for my protection. When he held me silently as I cried; never asking for anything in return. There have been many days that I had nothing left to give. My hurt and worry completely consumed me. But his love never changed.

What love is not: Love is not a feeling

If we allow our feelings to determine our love, our relationship (this can be any relationship) will be like a ship in the wind, blowing here and there. You can’t build a solid relationship on emotions.  It’s not “if” emotions change, it’s when. You are not the same person today that you were five years ago and you are not the same person that you will be five years from now.  Our feelings are fickle and can change with every situation. Your feelings will lie to you.

What love is: Love is a choice

Event the best of relationships will have moments that are not warm and fuzzy. Real relationships have bills, stresses of work, dinner to cook and errands to run. But in the mist of our the daily grind, we have to stop and remember why we fist loved that person. We have to find ways to stay connected and not let the small things become bigger than necessary. We are fortunate that God gives us His love as a model. God’s way tells us that love is unconditional. It loves regardless of circumstances, feelings or actions. It is a daily choice; not based on what the other person has done, but based on our choice of giving love. The most beautiful thing that I have learned is that love is the greatest when the other person is the most unlovable. And we need to be loved the most when we are the least lovable.

II Chorinthians 13: 4-7 – Love is patient and kind. It is not jealous or boastful. It is not proud or rude. It does not demand it’s own way. It is not irritable and it keeps no records of wrongs. Love always protects. It always trust. It always hopes. Love never gives up!

When you choose to love, it is not easy. It will take time, sacrifice and commitment.

You have to spend time together to know one another. We all have busy lives. It is easy to get caught up in the day to day responsibilities and think that “tomorrow” you will spend time with your loved one. You will change as the years pass and if you do not continue to share your inner most self, your desires, your hurts, your hopes and your dreams, you will wake up one day and not even know the other person.

Take time to listen and take time to have fun. Relationships should be fun. Laugh at silly things, eat ice cream, walk on the beach and dance in the rain.

Love takes sacrifice. You will often sacrifice what you want at that moment, for what you want for a lifetime. Love does not demand its own way. This doesn’t mean that you are a doormat. It implies that when making decisions, you think of the other person. How they will feel and how they will be affected. Respect them with your words and with your actions.

Love is a commitment. This is where I have miserably failed along with many others. It’s a covenant, not a contract. Contracts have clauses and addendum and they always have a way out.  A covenant is bound by something stronger. It is bound by integrity. It is a decision to stay regardless of how things may change. Before you commit, take a look around. It will not be a fairy tale. But it will be worth it. You can always look and think the grass looks greener on the other side, but before you cross to that grass, find out how much the water bill will be.

10Amy (1)

This type of love takes courage. Because it’s the kind that will allow you to get hurt. It make you vulnerable to another person. But I believe that this is the kind of love that God intended for us to have. This love will make you stronger together.

I hope that you choose to love everyday. Love with your whole heart. With reckless abandonment. Love like you’ve never been hurt.

Advertisements

19 thoughts on “What is Love?

  1. Love like you’ve never been hurt…now that’s a tough one! This is my new favourite piece. I love the simplicity and honesty of this post. You’ve taken the unrealistic fairytale image I always had about love and replaced it with something beautiful. Something that would take a lot of courage to pull off but would be totally worth it in the end. 🙂 God bless you for sharing! ❤

    Like

  2. I love that you are brave enough to speak from such an honest and authentic place. That takes real courage! I have learned that our very real messes only increase our propensity to understand God’s love – how underserving we are and yet how perfectly He loves us. Trying my best to work this out, to do this well, right along with you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Katie, I have surely made a mess of many things and I agree. God will use every mess if we just give it to Him. And one of the first steps is admitting our messes. I spent many years “pretending” that I had it all together. Hence, divorce number 2….. I can only hope that my mistakes can help others from making the same mistakes or at least show others that God’s grace is endless. We can always turn and come home to Him.

      Like

  3. I too have two failed marriages because I didn’t understand 1 Cor. 13 love which could have maybe saved those relationships. Maybe not, but I am so grateful that God has given me a new heart for Him which has translated into a new heart for my husband #3 and our marriage is really good right now. Long hard fought victory through taking up my cross and sacrificing my SELF to show him God’s love. It really is a beautiful thing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jennifer, I know exactly how you feel. It’s a hard place to be. I can still beat myself up about choices I’ve made. I know that God has forgiven, but I tend to not forgive myself. By God’s unbelievable grace, He has blessed me with an incredible man that lives for Him and has walked in true, unconditional love. I am blessed.

      Like

  4. I so agree with love being a choice! I think so often people forget that and stop fighting for love, but it takes so much work sometimes! But I think knowing that someone is CHOOSING to love me is so much more meaningful than having them love me because they don’t have a choice… because their emotions are ruling them.

    Karin | truncationblog.com

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This was really interesting to read. I related to almost every point you make, but I’m confused about the feelings one. When I look at your other points, like it’s a sacrifice, it takes work, and commitment, I know what you mean when you say it’s not JUST a feeling. But what do you mean when you say emotions will change? I’ve been with my significant other for four years, and for sure both of us have changed and our relationship has changed, even the way we feel about each other has changed, but I’m not sure I understand what you mean. I’d love to hear more! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Scarlet. Thank you for the response. Four years is enough to change and be out of the honeymoon phase. But over the years, when it’s been much longer, the two of you will go through rough patches in life. It may or not be in your relationship, but life will bring trials. I pray that you and your husband’s love and passion always remain, I know many couples that have been together 40 and 50 years and still are deeply in love. However, every single one of them have gone through dry spells when that passion is just not there for that time. It’s in those times that we have to stay committed. I understand this because I failed miserably after 15 years of marriage. I was hurt and truthful lost respect. I let my feelings dictate my actions. Thankfully, God is full of grace and mercy and has blessed me with a wonderful husband. But I know from experience that feelings can change and that we can do things that we would never intend to do. I now see marriage differently. It’s full of love, laughter and happiness. But if the day comes when it’s not, I will still be committed. Hopefully this explained what I meant. Blessings to you.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I love your explanation that love is a covenant. I don’t think most people understand that. I think if you go into something thinking getting out is an option, you will eventually wind up going down that road.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Love is beautiful when we love under God. Love is filled with grace when we love from the heart of God. I have a beautiful (second) marriage because we love because God loved us first. Your words are so right on and come with wisdom. Praising God for His love and for using you to share this.
    Caring through Christ, ~ linda

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Love this – Love is a choice – we have to decide to love even when we aren’t happy because love isn’t about being happy all the time, but having a solid foundation – and since He loved us first we are promised that foundation.

    Thanks for sharing with #theCozyReadingSpot

    Hope to see you again tomorrow

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s